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...so then I says to the guy...
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Earl's A DIRTY WHORE!'s LiveJournal:

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Monday, May 29th, 2006
10:57 am
lung urine: I just dickslapped my keyboard, just for you.
oOoLellyoOo: that's more disturbing than our puppy/kitty convo
oOoLellyoOo: ;p
lung urine: Well, I'm the only one who actually uses my computer.
oOoLellyoOo: That's good, at least.
oOoLellyoOo: Does your computer weep after you molest it?
oOoLellyoOo: microchip tears?
lung urine: It breaths a sigh of pain.
oOoLellyoOo: ahhh. that makes sense.
lung urine: Agreed.
oOoLellyoOo: now someone just needs to post this...you know, for contrast.
lung urine: Hahahaha.
Sunday, May 28th, 2006
1:01 pm
Sex can wait, masturbate!

Current Mood: sXe
Friday, May 19th, 2006
1:23 am
Happiness is finding out your friends tell people that you have a big penis.

Current Mood: silly
Friday, May 12th, 2006
12:10 am
Have I told you about my penis? My penis is the creator and destroyer. My penis is mother earth and father time. My penis is that which all joy and all pain comes from. My penis is the darkest secret and the one common truth. My penis is your worst fear and your greatest comfort. My penis is judge, jury, and executioner. My penis is the one eternal truth in this life and it's greatest lie. My penis came before the seas and will outlast the sun. My penis is both clarity and confusion. My penis is strength and weakness. My penis is life and death. My penis is the alpha and omega. My penis is not anything. My penis simply is.

Current Mood: hungry
Monday, April 24th, 2006
10:52 am
The Dwarves-Let's Fuck

Eyeballs for breakfast
Jack off for lunch
I'd like you better if you had a fuckin cunt
Let's fuck- let's fuck
I'm made of rubber
You're made of glue
I wanna stick my fucking cock inside of you
Let's Fuck
I am the best fuckin fuck in the whole USA
I can fuck you to death, I can fuck you to stay
I am the best fucking fuck in the whole fuckin world
Dog eat dog, boy eat girl
I'm the duke of fuckin earl
Let's fuck
Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed
Old enough to pee then she's old enough for me
Let's fuck

Current Mood: bouncy
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
3:47 am
Right now I am craving some really raw, visceral, filthly, depraved, raunchy sex.

Current Mood: smut
Monday, February 6th, 2006
7:49 pm
One time, I was getting a fucking amazing handjob from tracelina and when I came, the angle was just right so it hit me straight in the mouth.

Current Mood: frustrated
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
5:08 am
Apparently my tongue should be awarded a place of honor in the cunnilingus hall of fame.

Current Mood: pussy!
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
7:54 am
This just in!
I give mind-blowing head!

Current Mood: surprised
Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
8:51 pm
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
6:04 pm
I want this so bad, and it's only $65.

Must resist spending money until next Friday...
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
9:25 pm
So, I'm happy because a certain someone flashed her tits to me when we were in a resturant getting breakfast this morning.
Thursday, March 17th, 2005
10:26 pm
Liz Phair-Flower

Every time I see your face
I get all wet between my legs
Every time you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain
Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
I'll take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything I'll do to you
I'll fuck you and your minions too
Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you're underwater
Hair's too long and in your eyes
Your lips a perfect suck me size
You act like you're fourteen years old
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, true and mean
I want to be your blowjob queen
You're probably shy and introspective
That's not part of my objective
I just want your fresh young jimmy
Cramming slamming ramming in me
Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
I'll take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything I'll do to you
I'll fuck you 'til your dick is blue
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
8:43 pm
So, I know you're all a sick lot, so I want to know, what's the most depraved thing you've ever done in the sack?

It doesn't actually have to be in the sack.
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
12:58 am
I just had absolutly amazing sex.

And there is nothing like being 10 minutes late for work because you were doing your girlfriend in the butt.
Sunday, December 26th, 2004
2:29 pm
Damnit I can't figure out hot to make umlauts. Did I even spell that right?


Holy Mother of...all that is fucking holy.

I didn't even think that was possible for me.

Or that either.

Holy bloody hell.

Current Mood: amazed
Monday, December 13th, 2004
11:34 am
After much deliberation...
It was decided that I, rather than Rivet, would make this entry.

Last night, Rivet and I reached the buttsex plateau.

I mean naturally there was some discomfort but it really wasn't too bad. It started getting sorta good toward the end, too. And it was also kind of intense. Which is odd, and yet not. Because...well, it's buttsex. And it's me and Rivet.

So if you thought that was too much information, you should be insanely relieved that I wrote this entry instead of Rivet.

I can only imagine what he would've had to say on the topic.

Just remember kids, if you're gonna strive for the buttsex plateau, apply lube liberally and re-apply often.

Current Mood: silly
Thursday, December 9th, 2004
7:21 pm
So, the other night, my dad called me while I was in the middle of sex, and rather than stop, we just kept going while I tried to make the conversation as short as I could.
Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
10:50 pm
why i love earl
i would just like to say that as much as i am happy that rivet done found himself a perty li'l girl to shack up with(loveyoumana!;)), listening to them fuck loudly for hours on fucking end makes my brain hurt.

i know you *all* wish you were here, don't you.

yeah, i thought so. <3

Current Mood: bemused
Monday, November 22nd, 2004
8:18 pm
Tall girls do it better.
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